Time is such a weird concept. Forgetting is even harder.

When looking through some old accounts on websites I used to have tonight, I found this makeshift "blog" post from the end of freshman year. 

Read this with the idea that it was written not only a few years ago, but also when I was evidently not in the perfect state of mind. The grammar is pretty much cringe worthy, yet I want to keep the authenticity of it for future readings, even if I am aching to change it. (the same reason I leave previous blog posts alone)

"I hate who i pretend to be. i hate that im not always me. i hate that im depressed 90% of the time. i hate that im not happy with my life. i hate that i cant do the things i love. i hate that my parents cant afford everything they used to able to. i hate that i live in a such a spoiled world of people who dont understand what its like to not be able to do whatever i want. i hate that i might have to switch schools next year because of finical trouble. i hate that if i switch school it'll be the third time in three years. i hate that my sister doesnt understand it when im sad. i hate that i completely broke down tonight. i hate that i dont truly trust any of my friends. i hate that high schools so fake. i hate that i have exams in the morning. i hate that i cant find it in myself to actually study. i hate that its already 11.19. i hate that my drivers ed lady was so stupid so i still dont have my permit. i hate that i probably wont get my licence until im 16 and a half unlike everyone else. i hate that im crying right now. i hate that people are so full of themselves. i hate that i actually have to make a list of things i hate to make me feel better. i hate that im older than most people in my grade. i hate that i finally accomplished something, by getting into an amazing drama camp this summer and i cant go. i hate that i cant go because its to expensive. i hate that everyone i know still thinks im going, and im gonna have to tell them soon. i hate that they actually called my house, and told me i was special (they only call a few people) and yet, i cant go. i hate that my parents got my hope u and told me i could go at first. i hate that i dont get to see a Broadway show like i wanted to. i hate that my parents promise me s much that never happens. i hate that i hate my life so much, when i know people have it so much worse than i do. i hate that someone i know just died form cancer. i hate that i never get to go on vacation.i hate that i never have any inspiration. i hate that i cant play guitar. i hate that im so awkward. i hate that im almost never completly happy. i hate that music can completly describe anything im going through. i hate that i spelled so many things wrong in this, and im to lazy to fix them. i hate this list of things that i hate."

It's weird to look at this considering how much has changed in the last two years; to think of where I truly was in myself then, considering where I may have thought I was. Memories are a weird thing, when I think of freshman year at this point in time, the end of junior year, I think of a time when I was generally happy to say the least, yet reflecting on the things I said in this post, I realize I wasn't.  It's weird to realize how many things you forget over time, to realize how many things don't have a lasting effect on your life. To think that in a few years time, my memories of that year will be even less there, even more tainted. It's even weirder to realize that the things I do now, such as writing this blog post, will be forgotten as well. To think that only the major events are the ones I'll remember, and some of those will be lost as well. Even though all the little things are the things which shape me into who I will be in the future, they still go seemingly unnoticed when you're living your life.  At a point seven, or eight year old me probably went through something drastic, something that I thought I would never forget, yet the memory is gone completely; vanished into a sea of the unknown. Which is a terrifying thought to say the least, because it means that the things which truly were important to me at one point, are gone, and even though they meant the world, my mind simply doesn't have enough room to remember every little detail of my life. I'm changing constantly, and because your experiences are what make you yourself, the fact that I'm losing old memories that at one point shaped me means I'm one hundred percent evolving into another person. The old me is long lost, which is terrifying. 

It's weird to have the revelation that what I do now simply, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't matter.


You like to think that you never truly change, that you learn and understand more, but at the core your still yourself. I guess in my mind I'm starting to doubt this idea as being true. Maybe it's just the completely out of my mind philosopher/over thinker part of me that's thinking this, but am I wrong. I can say that I am now completely different than I was at three years old, with complete serenity.  Maybe this wears off as you get older, and find yourself, maybe once your an adult you come to a sort of stopping point and find your true self. Maybe all growing up really is is changing, not just the way you look evolving but who you are, and then cone your done growing physically, you come to a sort of stop mentally. Except your always learning which makes me think that you must change.


And here I am analyzing every little detail of everything, even though quite frankly it doesn't matter. Life will move on whether I figure out a final idea on this or not, even though I highly doubt I'll ever come to a conclusion to be frank being as indecisive as I am.

I guess this whole blog post just connects to the reason I wanted to make this blog; so I can remember the little things.  On the off chance that I actually come back to this blog in two years, or even twenty I want to be able to remember some of the little things I may have thought as unimportant as they may be, just so that maybe I'll still be able to understand a past me, and hold onto it. Losing myself is one of my biggest fears, and maybe this blog will help.

-That Girl incredibly confused as to everything that matters yet at the same time doesn't.

Back Again? Reflections.

Ten months later and I'm back; once again.
I always come back, don't I?


It's weird to think I made this blog all the way back freshman year, considering at this moment I've just finished up my junior year. So many things have changed it would be impossible to recount them all, which is a strange feeling to say the least. 


I feel like its this time of year I come back to this blog every year which makes me ponder the relevance and weight this blog has on my life. As I sit here, I'm starting to realize I have no idea why I wanted to come here, and write again, after all this time. This, two years ago, was such an outlet for me, and even though I typed in a way that makes me cringe at this point, I feel like maybe it was a good idea to start this, to have a living memory of me before. The idea that I can look back on a glimpse of my life and recount what happened, to me, in the past is a weird one, now looking back it makes me realize how valuable it was. Almost like going back through facebook and remembering all the memories through pictures, except through my own words which is more intimate in a sense.


Even though I'm not in love with the things I said, its nice to see who I was, considering how much I'd like to think I've changed since then. Maybe I've changed less than I think I have, but typing now, and realizing that in the future I'll probably have the same itch I did today to come back and reminisce, is making me want to start this whole writing thing all over again. Either continuing this blog (which is seeming better as I type) or starting a new one being the main question roaming around my thoughts. A new chapter in my life could be nice, considering this blog reflects a past me, that does not exist in every sense any longer. Yet, continuing seems like something which could help me to look back in the future and see the definitive changes that have encompassed me. Its strange to think of a past me, being different, not knowing the same things, and not understanding the same things as I do now.


When I look back on the last year of my life I realize how many thing have changed, including just my overall outlook on life. Even though I don't always like to admit it, school has definitely taught me a lot about life in more ways than I can even fathom, both in and out of the classroom.


Last year I left a year of school being easy, of school never really having to take up a big portion of my life, even though i may have argued with that then. Whereas now I'm, as of a week ago, coming out of the hardest academic year of my life. Just last week when I was in the heat of the end of the school year, I might have said I regretted taking the classes I did, but now looking back I realize how many things I've learned from going through what I did. In the last year, I faced the wrath of the IB program, a program thrust upon students all over the world (the only thing which makes you feel better about it, kids around the entire planet are going through the exact same thing as I am). The thing about it, to be plain, is that it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my seventeen years. It was something which made me want to give up on so many occasions I don't even know how to explain it, and I'm not even done.


When I look back on my classes, I don't think to myself how some of them were a breeze like I did previously in my life, fore they were all hard in their own ways. They were all terrible at some point in time, or so it seemed. From English, which for the first time kicked my butt, to French which I've never been good at, and I struggled at once again, to AP US History, which was literally the hardest class I have ever taken, and honestly will ever take again. To think from tok, a class which helped me really just think about life in a new perspective and write, a lot. To Philosophy, which helped me realize what kind of person I want to be in the future, to Pre-Calc, which kicked my butt in a way a math class has never done before. I can honestly say I came out a better person. Thinking about my grades may make me want to cry, because I don't feel like they reflect the type of person I am, or want to be, but maybe that's what I needed to help kick me out of the bubble of security I was so comfortable in. Thinking about how my grades might affect me in College terrifies me, yet I sit here right now, for once in my life and realize how different I would be had I not gone through them. Somehow I, (me, myself, and I) survived.


In the last year so much has happened to me that I wish I had just written down, and while my life seems as boring as watching grass grow in my mind, I'm starting to realize that in the future being able to look back is the best thing that I can ask for. Because the small moments now, are still the things which shape me into who I'll be for the rest of my life, and remembering some of the small events that help lead to who I'll become is a nice thought.


When I look at the last year as a whole, from the losses, and the breakdowns, to the happy moments its weird to think its all already in my past, just so biter sweet. "Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again" is a quote which helps to grasp the feeling I've been having lately.  Time goes by so fast and its terrifying. I still, honest to god, remember being ten years old like it was yesterday. As a person I've never been one of those people who has wanted to get older, really, I've been more of the person whose always been afraid to get older, to pass life by, of whats to come. Most people always want to get that one step further, to get to that new level of freedom, yet I've always just been fine where I am, I've always just wanted to stay where I am. It connects to the fact that I'm terrified of things changing I suppose. The idea of not knowing whats to come has always baffled me a little bit, and its getting even worse as time goes bye. Looking to the future I'm starting to realize just how fast its all going to go, and how many big events aren't that far off anymore. Graduating High school is just around the corner, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. I don't know if I'm ready to move out, and live my life on my own, yet its still coming faster than I can fathom.


In the last week I've seen the grade above me, class of 2012, graduate and move on, and to think that's whats in my future, in just one year, is the most mind boggling thing. With them moving on, I can't help but feel a sense of security go away. While I wasn't all that close with anyone two grades ahead of me, a few people but not an overwhelming amount, when it comes to the grade only one above me I'm losing a lot of friends. In the last year, I've gotten so close to so many people who are going to college next year, and just the thought that I won't see them pass me by in the hallways anymore is terrifying. Its comforting to not be the oldest to a certain extent, and even though I'm pumped to be a senior, I'm scared too. To think that little ol' me will be at the top of the food chain that is high school is the craziest thing I've ever heard, considering it feels like I was an itty bitty freshman starting this blog just yesterday. To think in the next year that I'll not only be worrying about my grades, but college applications and acceptances. Hence at this point in time I've only taken the SAT once, and visited three schools.


The last three years have gone by so fast, I've moved schools, moved houses, and grown up a lot. In the last year alone, I've learned so much I don't even know where to start. I've realized the value of a life after seeing people pass away, including the girl I talked about in my last post. last august not only her but another boy I knew passed away, and to say the least, that jerked me into realizing that I can't take life for granted anymore, because we never know how much time we have left. Time is definitely a precious thing, and even though it took tragedy to make me completely figure that out, I'm glad that lesson was learned. I've learned that even when things seem impossible, such as AP US History and Pre-Calc, somehow its always possible to get through if I keep trying. I've learned that the world isn't as much cotton candy and bubble gum as I originally thought. I realized how many things are messed up with the world, but I've also learned how to look at the world through a new perspective of philosophy. I've gone through Existential crisis's, and I've used some of the dumbest things to help myself cope with the amount of stress I've gone through. I've learned how to stand my ground when I was tempted to do things that even though I don't object, don't feel like I should do have crossed my path. I've learned how to pull an actual all nighter, and I think I've learned what it takes to truly be happy.


Even though I've never been completely happy with my life, and even though this year has brought an unreal amount a challenged upon me, I've figured myself through them all, which can only mean anythings possible.  "A rainbow always comes after the storm" rings true in life, and things will always get better and I know that. Happiness isn't something I can just wait for, but something I have to go after.


Over the next summer I've decided that I want to be happy. Plain and simple. That I want to let myself go, because I've always been such an uptight person. I've never really been the one to take risks in order to get what I may want, but I'm willing to do that this summer, I'm willing to go out of my comfort zone I suppose; and I want to blog about my experiences.


This blog post has become a lot more and less than what it was initially intended to be, which I can either dwell on or just let be; I choose the latter.


Sincerely,
-That Girl reflecting on her past, and looking towards the future.

lost in thoughts.

I sit here sick, at twelve-thirty at night. and can't do anything but think.

its definitely been a while since I've posted on this blog.

a lots happened. considering its been over a year,

I guess that's to be expected to a certain extent.

I opened a new blog a few months back. a private one.

but yesterday I came across this one again, read a few of my old posts, most of which were painfully embarrassing to read, and I couldn't contain the urge to write on it again. at least once.

In the past year, I've started and finished sophomore year.

which honestly wasn't as eventful as I wish it had been,

I started a new school, and blah blah blah.

and then came summer. oh summer.

after last summer, the worst summer of my life.

which I guess you know nothing about, and I honestly don't feel like reminiscing in.

but it doesn't matter, its over with now.

this summer was better for the most part.

more forgettable than I had hoped for I suppose.

guess I'll have to wait for next summer to have that amazing, unforgettable summer you always hear about in the movies.

the reason I wanted to make this post,

at this exact moment in time,

was for a few reasons to be quite honest.

I've done a lot of thinking during this insanely hot summer.

a lot of thinking about life in general.

about how lucky I am.

about a lot of things to be blunt.

and today, has definitely made me think even more deeply into that.

today. august twenty-third 2011. two days before my junior year starts.

a lot of events have occurred.

this morning I wake up, just as always.

until ten minutes later when I don't feel quite as amazing.

not the best timing, but not the end of the world either.

just my throat hurting a bit.

I get on facebook to find out a friend of mine is going back to the hospital today, for cancer treatment, because it came back.

taken aback already I do some summer work, as I still have a lot to get done.

my parents go out, and its just me and my sister.

no big deal. not at all.

until the ground starts shaking beneath out feet.

what is this? was all I could think.

as a million things went through my mind,

earthquake was the one I was sure it wasn't, we don't have those here... do we?

well little miss me was wrong.

apparently we do.

I can honestly say that was something I probably won't forget for a while.

it scared me beyond any words I can describe at the moment.

lets fast forward to tonight now,

after going out to dinner, and looking at a house, I get home,

to see a few posts on my friends wall on facebook saying they were praying for her...

what? why would they be praying for her I thought to myself. what could of happened?

come to find out that today, sadly, she was in a car crash with her father.

he died at the scene, and she was rushed to the hospital in critical condition.

the part that really scares me about that, is that there wasn't any warning.

in the blink of an eye, someone can be gone forever. instantly.

death isn't something I've ever been able to fully grasp.

the thought of nothingness. the thought of a person just being gone.

its scared me for as long as I can remember.

Tonight I can honestly say, that for the first time in a while, I prayed.

I'm not a religious person. not at all.

and I can't tell you I know what I believe.

but she deserves my prayers more than anyone.

if you knew this girl, you'd understand.

she's honest to god, one of the nicest, sweetest, and kindest people i have ever met.

and she didn't deserve this.

no one does.

as this post comes to a close, I honestly can't remember how I wanted to end this.

or what message I wanted to portray.

but if I've learned only one thing today, it's that nothing in life is promised.

we only have one life to live, and who knows whats to be thrown at us along the ride.

Lost and Insecure.... you found me.

Picture of the day: idk i just like this picture, found it on tumblr(: lovee that site! and i just felt it fit the title "Lost and insecure" idk it just reminds me of that.

Quote of the day:

"Lost and Insecure, you found me, you found me."

Mood when started: Content.

_______________________________________

Started May 10th 2010, at 3:37pm

Oh today, so as i promised in the last post I'm actually posting less than three weeks to a month later. so since there aren't quite that many things to talk about, considering its only been a few days, im gonna try and just blog to blog, instead of telling you random trivial facts about my daily life like i usually do.

something different, is that OK? i hope so. and of course I'm talking to you like you'll be responding. I'm cool, i know.

It's weird how my life can be completely different on different days, depending on what I do. who I'm around, how I act changes. sometimes I feel as if I'm two different people, yet I still don't know which one is the real me, or really if either of them are the "real" me. who is the "real" me i guess is what I'm trying to find. I guess were all really trying to find the real "us" that not a lot of people really know exactly who they are in high school. surrounded by all the peer pressure, and awkwardness.

As i type this now I'm surrounded by awkwardness, I'm at school as i type this seeing as my dad got caught in a meeting leaving me here until he can come and get me, great i know. i just have an amazing life. anyways I'm getting off topic, I'm sitting here outside the library minding my own little business, trying to write my little blog, but of course the creepy couple of the school is at the table next to be, pretty much on top of each other. see the thing is that at times i am friends with the girl, but honestly her and her boyfriend show PDA pretty 99% of the time,on top of the fact that he's creepy, and it's like they don't care at all. which bothers me. I'm sitting here just thinking, "GET A ROOM!" i wish i could scream that at them right this second, but you know, it would be awkward...

So back to life. my life. I feel like I don't know who i am. which scares me to a point. when I'm with drama people I'm the loudest one, whose friends with everyone, that girl who has a lot of talent, but is to shy to show it, the good dancer, the girl whose friends with all the guys.

(of course that couple is fighting now, about the stupidest things, I'm contemplating sitting someplace else at the moment)

But at school I'm completely different, I'm not exactly that quite girl, or the one who doesn't talk alot, but i don't feel the same around these people, maybe its because i know i have to see them everyday and plays only last for a while. maybe its because this is my first year at this school. I have no idea. but honestly I'm not the real me, i know I'm not. its like when I'm with these people i wont let go, i wont just have fun, which makes me come across as awkward, and thats not who i want to be, thats not who i am.

I have amazing friends at school, i love them. there amazing, but its weird, at other schools i was aways the girl that no one really disliked, i was always the one who was friends with everyone, who had confidence, i wasn't popular. but i wasn't a weird either. i guess i'm kind of the same now, but sometimes i just feel like I'm annoying people. which i never really felt like before. I guess we all change when we go to high school though. its not like im unhappy, im fine, i have good friends, and im doing decently in school. so it all good. i just dont know if im really being me all the time.

The song i have for the quote of the day up there, doesn't really mean anything to be honest. I guess its kind of how i feel at times "lost and insecure" like I'm not where I'm supposed to be. but it just kind of came out of no where, i was about to start this, and then that popped into my head.

gosh im running out of things to say, yet my father still isnt here. blahhh

so i listened to that new miley cyrus song the other day, OH. MY. GOD. is all I can say. ummm
"i cant be tameeed, i cant be changeeed, i cant be saveeeed" is pretty much the basis for the entire song if you havent hear dit yet. but oh. my. god. the music video. like seriously is she tryring to be a Brittney spears clone? as well as lady gaga, and ke$ha at the same time. blahh that song could make glass break. it hurts my ears to just listen to it. as you can probably tell I'm not exactly the biggest "Miley Cyrus" fan in the world. but i wouldn't say i hate her either, honestly i dont feel the need to hate her, i don't care about her enough, and i don't know her in real life. so who am i to judge her personality. but when it comes to her image. yess i greatly dislike that.

so since im still running out of things to say, and my dad just informed me that he's all the way across town, yet finally otu of his meeting and on his way to get me, i'll summerize whats happened in the last weekend. gosh this is gonna be a long post.

well Saturday im pretty sure i blogged, so i'll just talk about mothers day also known as yesterday, it was good i guess we made my mom breakfast, bacon and homemade waffles(: yummy! lol and then we gave her presents i made her a card and me and my sister got her some gardening supplies because shes been wanting to start a vegetable garden lately. it was all good, we watched movies all day, and i did homework of course. which was just plain blahhh. (So I'm just starting to realize how many random word sounds I use when I type. haha sorry about that) anyways after that we didn't go out to dinner, like most family's because we have the tradition of making breakfast and dinner for mothers and fathers day. what i joy. i know. anyways we happened to have steak for dinner which was nice. i lovee steak with a passion(: haha and then me and my sister made cookies and lemon bars! ummm amazing is all i can say to that one.

ans then today, i guess i'll take you through my classes today. fun stuff? i know right? well not exactly.... wow im bored i should be doing homework to. this is sad. ohh batterys about to die. crap. and my dads not here yet. this is great.

French: blahhh we had like a quiz thing, this girl told our teacher it was time to go five minutes early, and then we got to leave early(: lol hate that class soooooo much!

History: ummm we have this project thing that was assigned, and of course i got a crappy group just me and this guy, haha these two girls and this really annoying guy who i hate, that all dont try at all in the class tried to be in our group, and we were just like "umm. no." considering they just wanted in so they wouldn't have to actually work. blahh so annoying. if your not gonna help, im not gonna work with you plain and simple.

English: well i have this debate thing that i have to do with these two girls that i legitimately hate. which is just great. we worked on that a little and that was it.

Math: oh algebra, haha we had a quiz, easiest thing ive ever taken in my life. haha thanks god considering i forgot to study. but yeah did that and then did homework for the rest of class.

Science: ummm i think we did a lab. pretty sure talked to some people this one girl might volunteer with me next summer, where me and my other friend volunteer every summer which could be fun(:

Lunch: ate with some people. blahh not naming names makes this part really superrrr boring. sorry i know but we talked about a bunch of stuff. it was fun(: lol

Health: we had a study hall today(: did most of my homework.

Study hall: umm finished some homework up, and then watched SNL on my computer(: haha great stuff!

and that was my day. guess i should stop writing now. this has been wayy longer than i was planning on it being. but dad should be here any minute. probably wont publish this until later though. i know I'm cool. but i need to check over it before i post it. haha wow I'm a dork...

your a jerk, i know! your a jerk, i know!

oh gosh, im getting loopy that was completely random. I'm gonna stop typing now.

______________________________

finished may 10th 2010, 4:27pm

Mood when finished: Tired, Uneasy, bored, annoyed.

See ya later alligator (after while crocodile)

-That weird girl, trying to figure herself out.

Chocolate Cake && Summer(:

Hey girlfrienddd(:

Whats up? Ohh that’s great! Yeah im good, havent talked to you in foreverrr!

Picture of the day: just a picture of the most epic chocolate cake ever(: lol me and my friend shared it and it was amazinggg. we had it when we were in the mountains last weekend(:

Quote of the day:

"There will always be a "lie" in be(lie)ve

an “over” in l(over) an

“end” in fri(end)s

an “us” in tr(us)t

and an “if” in l(if)e,

but thats what makes it life."

Mood: Tired, Upset, confused, all around just blahhhh.

_______________________________

Started Thursday May 6th 2010(: forgot time sorry. it was like right before i went to bed.

Blahhh well that was annoying. Haha I'm bored if you cant tell already… you probably can. But you know whatever. So I don’t feel like making this a normal post idk why, I think im just to lazy at the moment, but I might come back in later and make it fit my normal format… maybe. So yeah anyways a million of things have happened to me since the last time I posted, I don’t even know what to say, I mean most of it was just normal I guess, but there were some out of the ordinary points to my life too.

So ummm I finished EXAMS!!! And now I only have 13 days of actual school left I believe. Not including state testing, or the last week of school where we do random things(: lol but yeah pretty excited!!! ALMOST SUMMER! I can feel it coming closer, and the pool opens this month…gahh I want summer sooo bad. Summer 10' has to be amazing, it just has to be(: I can just feel that it'll be different than every other summer(: I just bought a few new swimsuits the other day, and now there like haunting me, because i cant use them. blahhh like some people i know's pools opened today, but of course, mine doesnt open until the end of the month... which sucks.

Anyway last weekend I went to the mountains for my friends birthday which was amazingg(: it was six of us, and it was just good because all the stress of exams was over, we didn’t have homework, so we could just have fun and not worry about things(: which I desperately needed! We went to a spa and stuff at her mountain house. Took a million pictures of course(: we went to diner and acted completely stupid, it was like this super nice restaurant, and we all ordered kids meals and colored Winny the poo coloring sheets at the table(: haha oh how I love being 15(: im just soo mature.

Its crazy to think that freshman year's almost over, about a month, and then its gone. Idk maybe its just me, but lately life just seems like its going by really fast. I don’t know if I like it either. I'm one of those people who tries to live in the moment but its like one second I'm thinking about the future and the next, it is the future and then next. Everything I was looking forward to, or dreading is already over. Which I guess just kinda scares me in a way. Like soon enough I'm gonna be going to college. Maybe it’s just me to, but that seems like the scariest thing right now. But I guess I felt the same way about high school too, before I got here. Gosh I'm rambling on a lot.

Anyways we went to the mountains and then came back Sunday, I caught up on V and Glee (my favorite TV shows of the moment) and then Monday it was back to school, we really haven't done all that much this week in school, even though we have a few tests coming up. I got my grades back from exams today, and there mostly fine. None of my grades changed to much, and I have all A's and B's, well except French, but yeah that’s another story, its only a C, but honestly I don’t even know how to put into words how much I hate that class. Its like death for me. I would love to learn a new language, I feel like knowledge is power. So its something I really want to do. But for me, it just doesn’t come easily at all.

Well now its Saturday and im not really going anything today(: just sitting here deciding if I should make a vlog or not, listening to miley cyruses new song "I cant be tamed" my god… I don’t even know what to sya about that song to be honest. Like trying to be brittney spears much? Anyways not a lot fo exciting stuff has happened to me lately. I found an amazinggg new frozen yogurt place(: gosh im like in loveee with it, you don’t even understand its soooo good(: ohh and I just got a Mitchel Davis shirt that I ordered online last week(: gahhh I freaking lovee it(: so cool, I wore it to school yesterday, and its kind aon the big side but its still amazing(: if you don’t know who Mitchel Davis is shame on you, but he's this guy on youtube that im in lovee with(: look him up ( www.youtube.com/livelavalive ) he's pretty hilarious(:

I don’t really have much to say, not doing anything this weekend, im still tired from last weekend, and idk I just kinda want to stay home if that makes any sense, which it probably doesn’t, idk sometimes I just don’t feel like hanging out with friends though to be honest. My mom's making us clean and crap this weekend though which suckss): but tomorrows mothers day so I should probably actually listen to her…

Goshh, this is getting really long… I need to update more, so I think im gonna go now(: promise to update soon, this whole not updating thing is really starting to annoy me, but I've been studying for exams, and doing homework, and going out of town, and making more youtube videos lately(: so those are my only little excuses.

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Finished Saturday May 8th 2010. 2:28pm

(yeah i stopped in the middle and forgot to finish...haha)

Mood when finished: Tired, Blahhh, not happy not sad, just inbetween.\

Peace out girl scout(:

Holla,

this wont be a normal blog post just because i only have five minutes to do it. first of all im really really sorry i havent updated in soooooooo freaking long. i dont even have an excuse so much has happened that i'll try to talk about in my next normal post. anyways im going out of town for the weekdn i just finished up exams so im pretty excited, and now me and some friends are going to the mountians for someone birthday(: sooo excited about to leave my house like right this second! which is why i cant talk long): anyways i swear i'll make a super de duper log update as sooon as i get back on sunday night, or monday. and i'll fill you in on everything that i've been doing!

Kisses,

a girl in this world.

Well its kinda been a while...

Howdy there partner(:

"I know what your thinking, a new blog? what? its been like a month, I thought she forgot about this blog" well its a long story, kind of, but long story short, i've just been to tired, to lazy, to busy, or i just didn't even think of coming on here. so yep thats my excuse.

Picture of the day;;

a picture from an epic cupcake party i had with some friends(: yeah those were some great cupcakes!

Quote of the day;;

"Why am i talking to the batter?"

from my cupcake

"hi. i dont know you. can i have you numberrrr?"

haha me and a friend, ummm yeah long story, but it was a joke that one of use should walk to this random guy we didnt know and just be like heyyyyy. haha(:

Mood when started;; annoyed, tired, bored, just sick of stuff at the moment.

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Started April 3rd 2010 at 5:11pm eastern standard time

What to say, what to say....

well first off i fee awful that i havent blogged in a while, but i guess i explained that up there more or less, anyways a lots happened lately, no im not gonna go back into the last month of stuff i never told you guys about because that would take simply forever, and knowing me, I'm wayy to lazy and i'll stop in the middle again, and then never come back to it. which happens a lot with me.

sooo its spring break right now! (can I get a woot, woot!) well my spring breaks pretty much been boring i didnt go anywhere, i got to just sit here in my hometown and sulk while everyone else went to the beach, or Europe, or California. yeah and then there was me, sitting at home bored. anyways i havent done to much with my time to be honest but i guess i'll talk about what I've done.

i had a cupcake party which was pretty epic, if you look up there you'll see a picture o four wonderful cupcakes(: they were like neon colors, and pretty amazing, me and some friends made them thats not my hand in the picture btw, haha but yeah it was very fun(:

but yeah that same night we also did some good work, one of my friends houses got hit by a tornado about a week ago, pretty much everything she owned is gone now, its made me think a lot about how fortunate i am and stuff, but anyways we made her a car package and stuff(: which was good!

(random, oh my god i feel like everyone in my life is going through something, someone else i knows house burned down this morning, she also lost pretty much everything she had, its crazy that this stuff is happening to so many people i know right now....)

okk yeah now I'm done with that sad note, i just felt like talking about it though. anyways.... what else have i done, well the other day i went to the park with some friends, haha don't even ask... blahh it wasn't that great,

hmmm i'll think of one other thing I've done this spring break... well me and my friend went and saw the last song, oh. my. god. it was amazing! like honestly if you haven't seen GO SEE IT NOW! it was kinda weird hanging out with her, because well her and her twin brother go to my church and her brother goes to my school, and shes coming next year, so yeah she doesn't know that many people in my grade, and i honestly don't know her that well, but shes really nice, so it was fun!

umm yeah I don't feel like talking about spring break anymore.... its just been pretty boring this year, we were gonna go to the beach this weekend, but since its already Saturday, I'm doubting that, oh my god. its already Saturday, school starts back soon, gahh well this sucks. i needed this break soooo badly, and when we go back I'm gonna have to start thinking about exams already... which sucks! a lot.

so yeah well this blog has been all over the place, and completely random, and stupid so i guess i'll stop talking now, i really don't have much to say, i just felt the need to update, I'm REALLY going to try and update more from now on, just for me, it helps me somehow idk, but it does so i want to write more often.

well I'm just gonna go and watch some mean girls (favorite movie ever) and finish drinking my smoothie, now so i guess this is goodbye until next time(:

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Finished Apri 3rd 2010 5:39pm

im pretty sure this is the fastest blog i've ever done, they usually take me hours because i go away and come back, haha(:

Mood at end of blog: pretty much the same, nothings really changed this time....

-Just a girl, livin in this world.