Monday, May 10, 2010

Lost and Insecure.... you found me.

Picture of the day: idk i just like this picture, found it on tumblr(: lovee that site! and i just felt it fit the title "Lost and insecure" idk it just reminds me of that.

Quote of the day:
"Lost and Insecure, you found me, you found me."

Mood when started: Content.

Started May 10th 2010, at 3:37pm

Oh today, so as i promised in the last post I'm actually posting less than three weeks to a month later. so since there aren't quite that many things to talk about, considering its only been a few days, im gonna try and just blog to blog, instead of telling you random trivial facts about my daily life like i usually do.

something different, is that OK? i hope so. and of course I'm talking to you like you'll be responding. I'm cool, i know.

It's weird how my life can be completely different on different days, depending on what I do. who I'm around, how I act changes. sometimes I feel as if I'm two different people, yet I still don't know which one is the real me, or really if either of them are the "real" me. who is the "real" me i guess is what I'm trying to find. I guess were all really trying to find the real "us" that not a lot of people really know exactly who they are in high school. surrounded by all the peer pressure, and awkwardness.

As i type this now I'm surrounded by awkwardness, I'm at school as i type this seeing as my dad got caught in a meeting leaving me here until he can come and get me, great i know. i just have an amazing life. anyways I'm getting off topic, I'm sitting here outside the library minding my own little business, trying to write my little blog, but of course the creepy couple of the school is at the table next to be, pretty much on top of each other. see the thing is that at times i am friends with the girl, but honestly her and her boyfriend show PDA pretty 99% of the time,on top of the fact that he's creepy, and it's like they don't care at all. which bothers me. I'm sitting here just thinking, "GET A ROOM!" i wish i could scream that at them right this second, but you know, it would be awkward...

So back to life. my life. I feel like I don't know who i am. which scares me to a point. when I'm with drama people I'm the loudest one, whose friends with everyone, that girl who has a lot of talent, but is to shy to show it, the good dancer, the girl whose friends with all the guys.

(of course that couple is fighting now, about the stupidest things, I'm contemplating sitting someplace else at the moment)

But at school I'm completely different, I'm not exactly that quite girl, or the one who doesn't talk alot, but i don't feel the same around these people, maybe its because i know i have to see them everyday and plays only last for a while. maybe its because this is my first year at this school. I have no idea. but honestly I'm not the real me, i know I'm not. its like when I'm with these people i wont let go, i wont just have fun, which makes me come across as awkward, and thats not who i want to be, thats not who i am.

I have amazing friends at school, i love them. there amazing, but its weird, at other schools i was aways the girl that no one really disliked, i was always the one who was friends with everyone, who had confidence, i wasn't popular. but i wasn't a weird either. i guess i'm kind of the same now, but sometimes i just feel like I'm annoying people. which i never really felt like before. I guess we all change when we go to high school though. its not like im unhappy, im fine, i have good friends, and im doing decently in school. so it all good. i just dont know if im really being me all the time.

The song i have for the quote of the day up there, doesn't really mean anything to be honest. I guess its kind of how i feel at times "lost and insecure" like I'm not where I'm supposed to be. but it just kind of came out of no where, i was about to start this, and then that popped into my head.

gosh im running out of things to say, yet my father still isnt here. blahhh
so i listened to that new miley cyrus song the other day, OH. MY. GOD. is all I can say. ummm
"i cant be tameeed, i cant be changeeed, i cant be saveeeed" is pretty much the basis for the entire song if you havent hear dit yet. but oh. my. god. the music video. like seriously is she tryring to be a Brittney spears clone? as well as lady gaga, and ke$ha at the same time. blahh that song could make glass break. it hurts my ears to just listen to it. as you can probably tell I'm not exactly the biggest "Miley Cyrus" fan in the world. but i wouldn't say i hate her either, honestly i dont feel the need to hate her, i don't care about her enough, and i don't know her in real life. so who am i to judge her personality. but when it comes to her image. yess i greatly dislike that.

so since im still running out of things to say, and my dad just informed me that he's all the way across town, yet finally otu of his meeting and on his way to get me, i'll summerize whats happened in the last weekend. gosh this is gonna be a long post.

well Saturday im pretty sure i blogged, so i'll just talk about mothers day also known as yesterday, it was good i guess we made my mom breakfast, bacon and homemade waffles(: yummy! lol and then we gave her presents i made her a card and me and my sister got her some gardening supplies because shes been wanting to start a vegetable garden lately. it was all good, we watched movies all day, and i did homework of course. which was just plain blahhh. (So I'm just starting to realize how many random word sounds I use when I type. haha sorry about that) anyways after that we didn't go out to dinner, like most family's because we have the tradition of making breakfast and dinner for mothers and fathers day. what i joy. i know. anyways we happened to have steak for dinner which was nice. i lovee steak with a passion(: haha and then me and my sister made cookies and lemon bars! ummm amazing is all i can say to that one.

ans then today, i guess i'll take you through my classes today. fun stuff? i know right? well not exactly.... wow im bored i should be doing homework to. this is sad. ohh batterys about to die. crap. and my dads not here yet. this is great.

French: blahhh we had like a quiz thing, this girl told our teacher it was time to go five minutes early, and then we got to leave early(: lol hate that class soooooo much!
History: ummm we have this project thing that was assigned, and of course i got a crappy group just me and this guy, haha these two girls and this really annoying guy who i hate, that all dont try at all in the class tried to be in our group, and we were just like "umm. no." considering they just wanted in so they wouldn't have to actually work. blahh so annoying. if your not gonna help, im not gonna work with you plain and simple.
English: well i have this debate thing that i have to do with these two girls that i legitimately hate. which is just great. we worked on that a little and that was it.
Math: oh algebra, haha we had a quiz, easiest thing ive ever taken in my life. haha thanks god considering i forgot to study. but yeah did that and then did homework for the rest of class.
Science: ummm i think we did a lab. pretty sure talked to some people this one girl might volunteer with me next summer, where me and my other friend volunteer every summer which could be fun(:
Lunch: ate with some people. blahh not naming names makes this part really superrrr boring. sorry i know but we talked about a bunch of stuff. it was fun(: lol
Health: we had a study hall today(: did most of my homework.
Study hall: umm finished some homework up, and then watched SNL on my computer(: haha great stuff!

and that was my day. guess i should stop writing now. this has been wayy longer than i was planning on it being. but dad should be here any minute. probably wont publish this until later though. i know I'm cool. but i need to check over it before i post it. haha wow I'm a dork...

your a jerk, i know! your a jerk, i know!
oh gosh, im getting loopy that was completely random. I'm gonna stop typing now.
finished may 10th 2010, 4:27pm

Mood when finished: Tired, Uneasy, bored, annoyed.

See ya later alligator (after while crocodile)
-That weird girl, trying to figure herself out.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Chocolate Cake && Summer(:

Hey girlfrienddd(:

Whats up? Ohh that’s great! Yeah im good, havent talked to you in foreverrr!

Picture of the day: just a picture of the most epic chocolate cake ever(: lol me and my friend shared it and it was amazinggg. we had it when we were in the mountains last weekend(:

Quote of the day:

"There will always be a "lie" in be(lie)ve

an “over” in l(over) an

“end” in fri(end)s

an “us” in tr(us)t

and an “if” in l(if)e,

but thats what makes it life."

Mood: Tired, Upset, confused, all around just blahhhh.


Started Thursday May 6th 2010(: forgot time sorry. it was like right before i went to bed.

Blahhh well that was annoying. Haha I'm bored if you cant tell already… you probably can. But you know whatever. So I don’t feel like making this a normal post idk why, I think im just to lazy at the moment, but I might come back in later and make it fit my normal format… maybe. So yeah anyways a million of things have happened to me since the last time I posted, I don’t even know what to say, I mean most of it was just normal I guess, but there were some out of the ordinary points to my life too.

So ummm I finished EXAMS!!! And now I only have 13 days of actual school left I believe. Not including state testing, or the last week of school where we do random things(: lol but yeah pretty excited!!! ALMOST SUMMER! I can feel it coming closer, and the pool opens this month…gahh I want summer sooo bad. Summer 10' has to be amazing, it just has to be(: I can just feel that it'll be different than every other summer(: I just bought a few new swimsuits the other day, and now there like haunting me, because i cant use them. blahhh like some people i know's pools opened today, but of course, mine doesnt open until the end of the month... which sucks.

Anyway last weekend I went to the mountains for my friends birthday which was amazingg(: it was six of us, and it was just good because all the stress of exams was over, we didn’t have homework, so we could just have fun and not worry about things(: which I desperately needed! We went to a spa and stuff at her mountain house. Took a million pictures of course(: we went to diner and acted completely stupid, it was like this super nice restaurant, and we all ordered kids meals and colored Winny the poo coloring sheets at the table(: haha oh how I love being 15(: im just soo mature.

Its crazy to think that freshman year's almost over, about a month, and then its gone. Idk maybe its just me, but lately life just seems like its going by really fast. I don’t know if I like it either. I'm one of those people who tries to live in the moment but its like one second I'm thinking about the future and the next, it is the future and then next. Everything I was looking forward to, or dreading is already over. Which I guess just kinda scares me in a way. Like soon enough I'm gonna be going to college. Maybe it’s just me to, but that seems like the scariest thing right now. But I guess I felt the same way about high school too, before I got here. Gosh I'm rambling on a lot.

Anyways we went to the mountains and then came back Sunday, I caught up on V and Glee (my favorite TV shows of the moment) and then Monday it was back to school, we really haven't done all that much this week in school, even though we have a few tests coming up. I got my grades back from exams today, and there mostly fine. None of my grades changed to much, and I have all A's and B's, well except French, but yeah that’s another story, its only a C, but honestly I don’t even know how to put into words how much I hate that class. Its like death for me. I would love to learn a new language, I feel like knowledge is power. So its something I really want to do. But for me, it just doesn’t come easily at all.

Well now its Saturday and im not really going anything today(: just sitting here deciding if I should make a vlog or not, listening to miley cyruses new song "I cant be tamed" my god… I don’t even know what to sya about that song to be honest. Like trying to be brittney spears much? Anyways not a lot fo exciting stuff has happened to me lately. I found an amazinggg new frozen yogurt place(: gosh im like in loveee with it, you don’t even understand its soooo good(: ohh and I just got a Mitchel Davis shirt that I ordered online last week(: gahhh I freaking lovee it(: so cool, I wore it to school yesterday, and its kind aon the big side but its still amazing(: if you don’t know who Mitchel Davis is shame on you, but he's this guy on youtube that im in lovee with(: look him up ( ) he's pretty hilarious(:

I don’t really have much to say, not doing anything this weekend, im still tired from last weekend, and idk I just kinda want to stay home if that makes any sense, which it probably doesn’t, idk sometimes I just don’t feel like hanging out with friends though to be honest. My mom's making us clean and crap this weekend though which suckss): but tomorrows mothers day so I should probably actually listen to her…

Goshh, this is getting really long… I need to update more, so I think im gonna go now(: promise to update soon, this whole not updating thing is really starting to annoy me, but I've been studying for exams, and doing homework, and going out of town, and making more youtube videos lately(: so those are my only little excuses.


Finished Saturday May 8th 2010. 2:28pm

(yeah i stopped in the middle and forgot to finish...haha)

Mood when finished: Tired, Blahhh, not happy not sad, just inbetween.\

Peace out girl scout(: