Tuesday, August 23, 2011

lost in thoughts.

I sit here sick, at twelve-thirty at night. and can't do anything but think.
its definitely been a while since I've posted on this blog.
a lots happened. considering its been over a year,
I guess that's to be expected to a certain extent.
I opened a new blog a few months back. a private one.
but yesterday I came across this one again, read a few of my old posts, most of which were painfully embarrassing to read, and I couldn't contain the urge to write on it again. at least once.
In the past year, I've started and finished sophomore year.
which honestly wasn't as eventful as I wish it had been,
I started a new school, and blah blah blah.
and then came summer. oh summer.
after last summer, the worst summer of my life.
which I guess you know nothing about, and I honestly don't feel like reminiscing in.
but it doesn't matter, its over with now.
this summer was better for the most part.
more forgettable than I had hoped for I suppose.
guess I'll have to wait for next summer to have that amazing, unforgettable summer you always hear about in the movies.

the reason I wanted to make this post,
at this exact moment in time,
was for a few reasons to be quite honest.
I've done a lot of thinking during this insanely hot summer.
a lot of thinking about life in general.
about how lucky I am.
about a lot of things to be blunt.
and today, has definitely made me think even more deeply into that.

today. august twenty-third 2011. two days before my junior year starts.
a lot of events have occurred.
this morning I wake up, just as always.
until ten minutes later when I don't feel quite as amazing.
not the best timing, but not the end of the world either.
just my throat hurting a bit.
I get on facebook to find out a friend of mine is going back to the hospital today, for cancer treatment, because it came back.
taken aback already I do some summer work, as I still have a lot to get done.
my parents go out, and its just me and my sister.
no big deal. not at all.
until the ground starts shaking beneath out feet.
what is this? was all I could think.
as a million things went through my mind,
earthquake was the one I was sure it wasn't, we don't have those here... do we?
well little miss me was wrong.
apparently we do.
I can honestly say that was something I probably won't forget for a while.
it scared me beyond any words I can describe at the moment.
lets fast forward to tonight now,
after going out to dinner, and looking at a house, I get home,
to see a few posts on my friends wall on facebook saying they were praying for her...
what? why would they be praying for her I thought to myself. what could of happened?
come to find out that today, sadly, she was in a car crash with her father.
he died at the scene, and she was rushed to the hospital in critical condition.
the part that really scares me about that, is that there wasn't any warning.
in the blink of an eye, someone can be gone forever. instantly.
death isn't something I've ever been able to fully grasp.
the thought of nothingness. the thought of a person just being gone.
its scared me for as long as I can remember.

Tonight I can honestly say, that for the first time in a while, I prayed.
I'm not a religious person. not at all.
and I can't tell you I know what I believe.
but she deserves my prayers more than anyone.
if you knew this girl, you'd understand.
she's honest to god, one of the nicest, sweetest, and kindest people i have ever met.
and she didn't deserve this.
no one does.

as this post comes to a close, I honestly can't remember how I wanted to end this.
or what message I wanted to portray.

but if I've learned only one thing today, it's that nothing in life is promised.
we only have one life to live, and who knows whats to be thrown at us along the ride.